Feelings of Anxiety...
Feelings of Anxiety...
Sadness...
Anger...
Bitterness...
Fear...
Doubt...
Defeat... all at the same time...
Waiting for something to happen... afraid of what it may be and your mind makes the absolute worst of it... paranoia and fear, suspecting everyone and everything of hating you...
Not knowing what you did, but absolutely sure that nobody trusts you. Nobody likes you. Nobody wants you around.
And then the darkness falls... and it gets worse.
A cage of self hate and doubt. The screaming is so loud that you don’t understand how nobody else can hear it!
Then you realize you’re alone... and you start to believe the voices that bellow with venom in your head... “This is why you’re alone!”
LIES!! “...But Are they?” The answer.
Sure that your own shadow is against you... the food you made yourself is trying to poison you... your body betrays you. Your legs won’t obey and your mind continues the onslaught...
Your hands can’t do anything but clutch your mouth and chest, reaching for claws you know that you feel are digging in. But nothings there, it’s your own breath and nails...
Lost somewhere between a dream and a nightmare... like watching yourself drown, unable to save yourself.
And the worst part is never being alone...... it’s feeing alone.
How can I help you understand when I don’t even comprehend what’s going on?!
Fire and Snow and Thorns...
You try to create because sometimes it helps, but not tonight...
And then the pain strikes like an angry poison... spreading.
Heartbeat’s so loud, the smell of sweat and mud...
Afraid to reach out because I can’t bear to listen to apologies from those who don’t understand.
🤦🏽♂️
Just a few more hours to sunrise...
Get thru the dark and #MakeItToTomorrow
Shhhh... just get to tomorrow... it should all be alright... please let it be alright...
Waiting for the hammer fall...
It’s not always this heavy... but there’s reasons I despise the sunset.