Last night was rough. It felt wrong.
Last night was rough. It felt wrong.
Nothing satisfied.
Nothing tasted good.
Nothing sounded good.
Everything was annoying and frustrating at the same time.
I took my pain medicine and readied myself for either a nap just long enough til the codeine wore off, or another day added on to the already fun ride of sleepless days this week to the tune of 48 hours... last night would've made 3 straight days and nights of sleep evading me, but I was exhausted... it seems that not even the ever constant, throbbing pain in my leg couldn't keep me awake last night.
It couldn't leave me alone either. It must be that time again, the time between my doses of pain fighters, I call them "pain fighters" because they hardly numb my pain, let alone act as a pain "killer", but something was different, the clock on my phone reads the correct time, 5:35 AM.
That's approximately 5 1/2 hours since my last dose.
Something is different.
Something is wrong.
Something is Very wrong.
My mind begins a checklist:
•I'm on the floor- I laid on the floor after my last dose to try to stretch out my back muscles. Walking with a limp and a cane fatigues and cramps my back muscles from time to time.
•The clock is right. It coincides with the meds and my pain. An ongoing battle I've fought constantly over this past year. •The pain. Yeah. Double check.
Something is still wrong.
I'm panicked and my heart is racing.
Is there someone else in my apartment?
Did I wake up because I heard something?
No. Is it storming?
No.
Did something in the kitchen fall?
No.
I find myself yelling at myself in my head.
"Something is different! Calm down and identify the difference, Now!
"What do you feel?
Anxiety. Pain. Unknown. Sweat.
"What do you see?
Darkness and what's illuminated by the hallway light.
"What do you smell?! Smell! THAT'S the difference! It's strong. Metal? Liquid metal?"
I breathe deep, the smell is so strong I can taste it, it's stifling.
I know this smell. It's blood, and a lot of it.
Whatever's bleeding is close...
I raise my left hand to wipe the sweat from my face...
The "sweat" is thick like oil. The smell of iron gets stronger... It's then that I realize... it's me.
I'm bleeding. I don't know how or where from... but it's me.
...to be continued
KTupua
2017