I Still Don’t Get It
I Still Don’t Get It
I am Still trying to Understand this:
I can experience joy, but that doesn’t dissolve my pain.
Sometimes, I feel sad for laughing or smiling or enjoying something, because it’s barely even been any time since you went away...
I feel like a wave of guilt hits me, and I begin questioning myself...
my sense of loss...
my pain...
My love for you...
I’ve tried throwing myself into art,
but I feel like it’s no use or no point in creating.
I’ve tried hiding...
I’ve tried sleeping for days, but the pain and my mind wouldn’t let me.
It’s barely been a month and I feel like I’m missing you and it’s still so raw and I still feel like I’m actively losing you a little bit everyday.
Even though I know that nobody lives forever...
Even though I know that what happened was always one of the possible outcomes...
Even though I know that you’re no longer suffering, no longer sick...
I also know that you aren’t here anymore... and you have ALWAYS been here for me...
That’s the hardest part.
I Love you and miss you so much, Mom...
I still feel like this is a bad dream and I don’t understand why I can’t wake up 💔😔💔