From the Shards of a Fractured Mirror
From the Shards of a Fractured Mirror
Feelings of Anxiety...
Sadness...
Anger...
Bitterness...
Fear...
Doubt...
Defeat... all at the same time...
Waiting for something to happen...
Afraid of what it may be and your mind makes the absolute worst of it...
Paranoia and fear…
You start suspecting everyone and everything of hating you...
Not knowing what you did, but absolutely sure that nobody trusts you.
Nobody likes you.
Nobody wants you around.
Then the darkness falls... and it gets worse.
A cage of self hate and doubt.
The screaming is so loud that you don’t understand how nobody else can hear it!
When you realize that you’re alone...
Then you start to believe the voices that bellow with venom in your head: “This is why you’re alone!”
LIES!!
“...But Are they?” They answer in mocking tones.
Then things get irrational:
You’re so sure that your own shadow is against you...
The food you made yourself is trying to poison you...
Your body betrays you.
Your legs won’t obey and your mind continues the onslaught...
Your hands can’t do anything but clutch your mouth and chest, reaching for claws you know that you feel are digging in.
But nothings there, it’s your own breath and it’s your own nails...
You’re constantly lost somewhere between a dream and a nightmare...
It’s like watching yourself drown, unable to save yourself.
And the worst part is not being alone...... it’s FEELING alone.
How can I help you understand when I don’t even comprehend what’s going on?!
Fire and Snow and Thorns...
You try to create because sometimes it helps, but not tonight...
And then the pain strikes like an angry poison... spreading.
My Heartbeat is so loud…
The smell of sweat and mud is stifling...
I’m afraid to reach out because I can’t bear to listen to apologies from those who don’t understand.
I’m afraid to seek help because I’ve been told that getting therapy will destroy my chances of a better job, promotion, pay etc…
Permanent marks on a permanent record:
Unstable: Check
Unreliable: Check
Cracks under pressure: Check
Crazy: Check… Crazy: Check… Crazy: Check…
It’s just a few short hours to sunrise...
Get thru the dark and #MakeItToTomorrow
Shhhh... just get to tomorrow...
It should all be alright...
Please, let it be alright...
Just waiting for the hammer fall...
It’s not always this heavy...
But these are just a few of the reasons I’m afraid of the dark.
ReachOutIfYouNeedHelp
YouAreLoved
YouMatter
MakeItToTomorrow
I love you ❤️ 🤟🏽🥰
KTupua
October 2019