Funeral, Family, Photo
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Funeral, Family, Photo
Scene: A final family photo caught with a portrait of Mom on the overhead projector directly above and behind us.
Forced smiles through mixed emotions
A Family photo... even perfect coincidence with the slideshow...
Something so “normal” but now, forever incomplete.
Mom, you always tried to get us together, keep us together and hold us together.
A Peacemaker, in your own way.
And in true form... at least once more this past weekend, we came together, for you.
It’s been hard to sleep because I feel like each day I don’t hear you, is a day closer to forgetting the sound of your voice...
Forgetting your touch...
Forgetting your laugh...
Forgetting you...
My phone buzzes and with hope, I search for the notification that I’m receiving a message from you...
…maybe just one more.
I don’t ever want to forget you.
I don’t want to only remember to visit once a year.
I don’t want to ever not be able to get to you again.
I wasn’t ready...
I’m still not ready...
I know you aren’t here.
I know you aren’t in any more pain.
I know you’re healed.
I know you’re catching up with my younger siblings, and Davina is probably hugging you every chance she gets...
I know that’s what I would do...
I know you’re with all of those who have gone on before...
But hearing people tell me these things, over and over, like it’s supposed to fill this emptiness I feel...
it’s no comfort to me.
To me: they’re just constantly reminding me that you’re gone.
I’m not in denial...
I just don’t need to keep hearing it.
I Love you, Mom.
-KTUPUA
February 2021